by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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With only a few days let, we finally touch on Step 9 of the 12 Steps of Christmas series! This step takes more action, but for such an important time of year it helps us re-establish some very important connections.
By the way, tell your true love they are getting the hang of the gift giving thing. They threw a party and there are at least 9 ladies on the dance floor! Throw on jingle bell rock and get your collective grooves on.
Step 9: Made amends when it wouldn’t ruin someone else’s Christmas
After making our naughty list in Step 8 we realized that we had done plenty throughout the year to cause some grief to some people we cherish, and for the holiday we have a chance to be a better version of ourselves while spending time together.
While this might not be the appropriate venue to try and make all the wrongs we have done throughout our drug or alcohol use, it is a good opportunity to give as much of yourself as you can. As long as we are not in danger of ruining anyone’s Christmas, we can try to offer our amends to family or friends for the wrongs of Christmas past. Although sometimes it is best we not turn the celebration into a trip down bad-memory-lane. We should not make Christmas about us, but we can also try to do right in the holiday spirit.
Maybe your friend still isn’t over that time you caught his tree on fire last year. Don’t tell him to go deck his halls. Seriously, it’s just rude. Sometimes it isn’t as simple as going to someone and trying to make it right, because some people just aren’t ready for that yet.
Again, we don’t want to make the family gathering about everyone forgiving us or not. It might stir up unwanted hostility. Christmas is about sharing love and joy for everyone, so maybe make some indirect amends for your own naughty-by-nature Christmas past in the form of colorfully wrapped goodies.
The gifts we can give…
Material things aren’t really what the recovery community typically focuses on when it comes to making an amends. While financial amends or amends pertaining to property may sometimes be in someone’s experience, Christmas isn’t always the venue for that.
Still, who doesn’t enjoy a good gift? For those of us in recovery who have the opportunity and the resources, we can make an honest effort to do something nice for those we owe an amends. Everyone loves a good Christmas present, so some of us actually go out of our way to be a slightly less qualified Santa. But material things aren’t really what makes the difference. We have so much to give of ourselves.
We cannot say it enough, Christmas is about love and compassion; joy and humility; gratitude and hope. So give as much of that as you can to those you have harmed on your naughty list. Even if you go over the top with presents, the best gift is always the gift of your love and compassion.
So go through your naughty list and look for the opportunity to give to those you have wronged. When appropriate, you may even take this opportunity to make amends for your naughty ways. Just try your best to show that true gratitude and generosity in your actions and in your presence.
Spending Christmas facing the impacts of addiction on others can be extremely difficult, but take this opportunity to be more aware of what truly matters and what that means for your recovery. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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We are getting closer and closer folks! Christmas is almost upon us, and so we felt it is a good time to check up on our naughty list with Step 8 of the 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery!
Now I know we said in the last step that all the birds our true love was giving us seemed a bit much, but woah… who needs 8 maids milking? How much milk can one person drink? Why doesn’t your true love just get you a gift card for groceries? And do you own the cows, or the maids… it’s all very confusing!
Never mind, this is getting weird.
Step 8: Made my naughty list and checked myself twice, became willing to make amends and be nice
In Step 5 we created our very own Christmas wish list where we took a step back from the heavy stuff to try and lighten up. But that doesn’t mean we get away with everything that got us on the naughty list.
We talked about watching ourselves through the holiday to make sure we weren’t being a Grinch or Scrooge-ish, while also trying to catch ourselves in those moments of shortcomings in an effort to let go and improve our holiday. Yet, we have still had a whole year to make it on the naughty list, so we should also take a moment to look at that too.
In Step 7 we talked about humility being more about how we treat others instead of how we treat ourselves. Now, we should examine our actions and attitudes throughout our year to recognize where we can do better moving forward. Especially when it comes to how we have impacted other people in the process.
If we are supposed to be bringing peace on earth and goodwill toward others, how have we harmed them through the year? Who do we owe an amends to this Christmas? How can we give that gift to them?
The nicer side of the naughty list…
Now for most people who are familiar with Step 8 as it is used in the recovery fellowships across the world, at first we might find it difficult to see the nicer side of the list. When making a list of our harms, we do not typically take delight in the wrongs we have done to others. However, there is still a great deal of good to come out of looking through a naughty list.
The nicer side of our naughty list comes in recognizing how our own misbehavior has and impact on our current Christmas spirit. We see how many of our troubles are of our own making. We wouldn’t get coal in our stockings if we hadn’t earned it. Some of the adversities we face with our families, friends, spouses or others when it comes time to come together for the holidays is due to the items on our naughty list. Not only are we made aware of our naughty list, we see how in recovery we will be given the chance to make it right for all our Christmases to come.
We have a better chance of making next year’s nice list if we can confront now where we have been a little on the naughty side. Step 8 isn’t just about making a list of our naughtiness; it’s also about becoming willing to make amends for it.
Learning to be nice…
Lets be real, everyone has a few naughty days a year. People in recovery are not the only ones who run the risk of making the cut. Face it, Santa is a little bit judgmental with some pretty unreasonable expectations. I mean, the guy sees you when you’re sleeping, come on!
But I digress… We all have to check our motives and our actions and think on how we plan to be better. People recovering from drug abuse or alcohol addiction tend to have done quite a bit of damage; some at home and some with our professional lives or our education.
With Step 8, we have to reconcile our discrepancies and learn how to adopt a policy of being nice, especially to those who in the past we have been particularly naughty to.
We learn that while not everyone is as willing as we are to be nice, it is up to us to safe-guard our own sense of Christmas cheer. Our responsibility here is to accept our part and try to find the strength and commitment to be nice, especially when it is hard. Just avoid the morbid self-reflection and remember that you aren’t checking this list twice to beat yourself up; you’re doing it so you don’t have to be on the list next year.
First nice thing you might want to do is give those 8 milk maids the holiday off. I think Christmas will be fine without the extra dairy products.
#12StepsofChristmas
Not everything about Christmas in recovery is going to be as nice as we want. The winter wonderland isn’t always so cheery. Sometimes Christmas is like a snowball to the face. Sometimes we just have to try our best not to be too cold to those who matter most. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun
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Thank you for joining us for another edition of the 12 Steps of Christmas, where we put a recovery spin on a Christmas classic. Now, we are talking Step 7.
It is fitting that the traditional song tells us about the true love, who at this point must think we are opening a zoo, gave us 7 swans swimming. I say that, because with this step we are talking about seeking to be transformed. Kind of like the ugly duckling who became a swan. In addiction we often feel like ugly ducklings. But if we are willing to let some things go, we can be the swans we were always meant to be.
But seriously, who is going to feed all these strange birds?
Step 7: Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings of holiday spirit
If you read Step 3 of our take on 12 Steps of Christmas, you will remember us talking about finding a willingness to be open minded enough to consider that something outside ourselves could influence our outlook and attitude during the holidays. We spoke of contemplating the concept of a Higher Power in Step 2; be it God, the universe, nature, your higher consciousness or even just Santa Claus and the Christmas spirit. Then we discussed how to be willing to let go of our need to control the holiday.
Then, in Step 5 and Step 6 we talked about the process that allows us to recognize our own part in making the holidays harder. We talked about opening up to our friends, family, or a sponsor and sober support about our holiday stresses and our negative reactions to them.
Now, we take that self-awareness and self-reflection, and we try to turn it over the whatever forces outside ourselves during the Christmas season in hopes that those defects of character will no longer hold everyone hostage at Christmas dinner. We look at our moments when the inner Grinch starts to peek out, or when we get all Scroogey, and we be willing to let the spirit of Christmas take that away.
Cheery with a chance of humility…
In certain literature on the 12 Steps, you will find an entry about humility to the effect of,
“Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad time of it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; the word itself is often intensely disliked.”
Even though we know humility as a virtual, it still gets a bad rep because the ego will instinctively take it as an attack. Of course it does, because humility is letting go of the ego. So when we say we are humbly asking this outside source of strength to remove our own shortcoming in the Christmas spirit, the ego will probably get in the way.
Do your best to remember that Christmas is not about us and what we want, even though we have discussed the value of having goals and hopes, it is about others. It is OK to enjoy unwrapping your presents and to get excited about gag gifts and gift cards. But at the end of the day, we are reminded that tis the season for giving. Because getting a gift is never as great a feeling as giving one. Some of us in early recovery might be struggling to be able to give anything, but it isn’t the kind of stuff you can put in a box with a bow that matters. The best gift you can give to others is your time and a clear, sober version of yourself to spend it with.
And in truth, that is a true sign of humility; the ability to have hopes and goals to connect and celebrate life with those closest to you, and to give to one another. One of my personal favor authors, S.C. Lewis said,
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”
In other words, you don’t have to tear down the ego in order to leave it alone.
So this Christmas seek the strength to let go of your shortcomings, in a more direct effort to remove anything that might keep you from truly being present for your holiday with those you care about. You have recognized your ability to be a Grinch and to be a Scrooge, now look for that Higher Power you have connected to for a chance to have a Merry Christmas. Anything that is holding you back from being merry, see if Santa can’t grab it on his way out the chimney.
#12StepsofChristmas
This season can be an especially stressful time for some people trying to recover from drugs or alcohol. Whether it is the weather, a family feud, or just a few too many ghosts of Christmas past, it should still be a time of celebration. If you or someone you love is struggling ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by Justin Mckibben | Dec 21, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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Welcome one and all to Step 6 of our 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery. Today we are talking about how that little bit of Grinch might slip out, and how to check ourselves before we Scrooge ourselves.
And no geese-a-laying… lazy geese!
Step 6: Become entirely ready to let go of the Ba Humbug.
In Step 5 we talked more about accountability and recognizing our Grinch-like moments. We encouraged you to speak up and have a support system to call on when things get tough, and now we are talking even more about letting go of those destructive feelings on Christmas.
Of course, the classic “A Christmas Carol” tells us about another infamous grumpy guy, Ebenezer Scrooge. Essentially, he and the Grinch are the same, except Scrooge isn’t a nappy ball of green fur who does B&Es. Instead, Scrooge has the privilege of being visited by some ghosts who show him visions that scare the Christmas spirit back into him.
Scrooge is notorious for his Ba Humbug, a statement made referring to his utter ambivalence toward anything remotely related to goodwill toward others or joy and cheer.
Well, we all tend to have a touch of that Ba Humbug attitude at least once during the holiday. But, much like the Scrooge-man himself, we have to learn to let it go. Hopefully, we all won’t need the ghost of our best friend haunting us to do it. In Step 5 we recognized our character defects and our negative reactions. Here in Step 6, we are making a more conscious effort to let go of our feelings of Ba Humbug and move on. In Step 5, we said we should admit these feelings to ourselves and someone else. This helps us to face what is bothering us and share it with our support. Now we try to move on from those feelings.
Learning about letting go…
Ebenezer Scrooge may have got over his Ba Humbug overnight, but it took a lot of work. Part of that work is preparing you to let go of the attitude or mindset that is making Christmas harder for you. If spending time with your family is proving more difficult than you planned, it’s OK.
Like we went over in the first few steps; we accept that we can’t change them, be open and willing to enjoy the holiday anyway. We make a list of things we would like to get out of the sober Christmas experience. Talk with someone about the negativity you may bring to the equation, and now we put ourselves in the head-space to let go of any bad attitude we are holding on to.
In a lot of 12 Step recovery literature, Step 6 is often talked about as being ready for your Higher Power to remove your defects of character. In essence, you are further recognizing your behavior and preparing to drop the old patterns and attitudes that caused so much chaos. You are asking for that which holds you back to be removed, whether by a god of your understanding or simply your own higher consciousness.
Let us suggest doing the same here for that case of the Humbugs you are carrying around. By whatever means seem adequate to you, seek to let go of the feelings or thoughts that are spoiling your Christmas spirit and keeping you from embracing the joy and connection of your friends and loved ones.
Change of heart…
Part of the reason Scrooge had such a change of heart is that he was shown in great detail how his past and present life were impacted by his Ba Humbug BS. Then, he was shown how staying on this path was going to be the end of him. For some of us in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction, we have a similar view.
If our character defects are allowed to run rampant, we may find ourselves traveling down a destructive path that will lead us to relapse, which could absolutely be the end of us.
So, in the context of the holidays, we look at how continuing down a path of Ba Humbug with negativity and hostility, we can bring a less than cheery end to our own Christmas. Like Scrooge, we can have a dramatic impact on those around us in the present, because we already know what is has done in the past. If we have the self-awareness, we are able to see what this kind of state of mind can do to the future of our Christmas.
A change of heart, which is helped along by the previous steps like acceptance and self-awareness, is one way to make the best out of the bad situations or temptations some of us in recovery can come up against. Be ready and willing to let go of the Ba Humbug as soon as you catch it, so that you can help work toward a better time of merriment for those closest to you.
#12StepsofChristmas
You’re not a mean one, man. Don’t be a Grinch. The holidays might seem hard in recovery, but if you speak up when you need help and keep the spirit of the season in mind, you are sure to have plenty to celebrate. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by Justin Mckibben | Dec 21, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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As we count down the days until the big guy with the hipster beard in red comes to slide some Christmas love under our trees in exchange for some glutton-free cookies and vegan almond milk, we also take some time to talk about what is important for those in addiction recovery during the holidays.
We’ve made it all the way to Step 5 of our 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery. Today we are talking about how that little bit of Grinch might slip out, and how to see when the mean green gets out.
Step 5: Admit to ourselves and another human when we are being a Grinch.
In Steps 1, 2 and Step 3 we talked a lot about acceptance and facing unmanageable situations during your Christmas in recovery. In Step 4 we took a lighter approach to making a personal inventory by making it a Christmas wish-list. Now, for Step 5 we are setting ourselves up for more accountability during the holiday.
By this time we have talked about trying our best to accept the things beyond our control, and now we look even more at what we can control; ourselves. Our actions and reactions do have an effect on others, and Christmas time is definitely a time to make sure we are putting our best foot forward in our relationships. So after we have accepted what is out of our control, and set goals for how we hope to make the holiday in recovery a special one, we have to admit when we are being a Grinch.
In the past, some of us might have literally stolen Christmas. Maybe you didn’t disguise yourself as Santa and snatch up the tree and decorations to take Christmas away from everyone else, but you may have done some things in the past that made it hard on your loved ones. Either we actually got far enough down the road of addiction that we were pawning off presents, or we were simply stealing our loved ones’ peace of mind.
This year, let your true love keep her 5 golden rings.
Maybe now your heart has grown a couple sizes since getting clean and sober, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t still a little Grinch in you somewhere. The point is to be accountable to yourself and your loved ones when that mean, green, anti-Whoville machine peeks out.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to be a Grinch when the holiday is in full gear… all the noise, noise, NOISE!
We all need a Max to our Grinch…
I hope I’m not the only nerd who remembers Max, the lovable side-kick puppy who Dr. Seuss’s Grinch character disguised as a reindeer to pull the sleigh on their Christmas tree burglary spree.
You remember? Ok great… I was worried for a minute.
Anyway, Max seemed to be the only one in the majority of the story that the Grinch actually cared about (in his own dysfunctional and unhealthy way). Max was Grinch’s day one; his BFF; his road-dog! Everyone should have at least one friend as good as Max. Because even though the Grinch was so cold, Max was his buddy and had his back.
Now, you might think you can just be friends with your own dog for Christmas, and that’s cool, but you’re missing the analogy.
Having a Max is having someone during the holiday that you can confide your frustrations and difficulties with. If your mood is taking a turn for the worst, or you get stuck in a funk, having a friend like Max to admit your Grinch-tendencies to can help lift some of the weight off your shoulders. In many addiction recovery groups, they talk about how important it is to have people you can be honest with; people you can depend on.
Being able to admit when you are struggling with staying grounded and getting through all the stress brought on by the season can make a huge difference. Sometimes just talking about the temptations or the aggravations can make facing them easier. So this holiday season you should not hesitate to share your struggles with someone who you trust. They might even have your back like Max.
Remember what Christmas is about…
In the classic children’s story, the Grinch realizes that he had never stopped Christmas at all, because even though he stole all the ribbons and tags; Christmas came without packages and boxes and bags. He has the sudden revelation that this special time of year is about coming together with connection and compassion.
This year, when you can take the time to talk to those you love about what is bothering you, you have a better chance of working past it. We all have to remember in recovery that we can bring so much more to the holidays with love and compassion. So when the Grinch in you tries to steal away your own Christmas joy, face it head-on. Admit when it is there for yourself and others. Connect with your support, your sponsor and your family at a time when it is most important.
And seriously, don’t steal those 5 golden rings.
#12StepsofChristmas
You’re not a mean one, man. Don’t be a Grinch. The holidays might seem hard in recovery, but if you speak up when you need help and keep the spirit of the season in mind, you are sure to have plenty to celebrate. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398