by Justin Mckibben | Dec 24, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Parenting, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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The lords leaping and the ladies dancing have got the party going. The farm animals are all running a muck and suddenly this super-band of 11 dudes with pipe-instruments come in and break out in a jam session.
I take back what I said earlier about your true love… this is getting turnt.
With one more day to go in the 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery, we are grateful for Step 11 giving us a chance to get grounded again. Ask the band to play some mellow jazz for a minute.
Step 11: Seek more of the Christmas spirit with through prayer or meditation
In earlier steps we talked about the importance of self-awareness and honest reflection, so with the prayer and meditation of Step 11 we seek to further connect with our Higher Power, whatever that means to you, in order to align with the spirit of Christmas.
For some of those who are still not so sold on the whole idea of spirituality, prayer might still be a little outside of your comfort zone. Remember, that is fine. For those who embrace the practice of prayer, you can take some time out for yourself on Christmas to seek a deeper spiritual connection to the experience.
For those who would prefer to meditate, take time for yourself to reflect quietly on what Christmas means to you. You don’t have to go sit cross-legged in a room with candles to do this. See if you can manage a few moments here or there to truly take a step back and witness all that you have received this Christmas.
I don’t mean just stare at your presents. Actually think on the impact your sobriety has had on the holiday. Look back at every step you have taken up to this point and seek to understand with how it has made a difference to you and the people who love you. Seek a stronger connection to this moment and this holiday through a deeper understanding of it.
The meaning behind being merry…
Meditation and prayer can show us even more of what the true meaning of being merry is. When we pray or meditate honestly and openly, we make room for more of that meaning to be revealed. The truth behind our joy and our merriment is so much more than you can put under the tree. A wise person once said that nothing has any meaning except the meaning we give it. If that is true, what meaning are you giving to Christmas? How are you aligning with the spirit of the celebration?
Ask how far you have come by doing the work on yourself to be more close with others. Ask yourself what is possible if you continue to be the person you set out to be when you got clean and sober, and how it makes these memories so much more. Somewhere in there, we can seek gratitude for what gifts we’ve been given. Not just the toys and gadgets, or the clothes and cards, but the gift of being alive and sober and with people who you care about. To have people who care about you to spend the holiday with.
Christmas in recovery is an amazing thing, and for some of us the meaning behind being merry is true fulfillment through tremendous gratitude. For our lives, for our hopes, and for each other.
Prayer and meditation are just some of the ways we can work on appreciating Christmas. Sometimes, we have to keep praying for those who are still struggling this holiday season. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now. The greatest gift you can give is letting someone know you care, and want to help.
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by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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So, the party your true love got together is kind of intense. Suddenly there are 10 dudes who claim to be lords are jumping around, and it looks like they might start a mosh pit with the 9 ladies dancing.
Needless to say, Christmas in recovery never sounded so wild.
Anyway, welcome back to the 12 Steps of Christmas in recovery, where we are putting a holiday twist on each of the 12 Steps of recovery used all over the globe.
Are you ready to talk about the next step?
Step 10: Continued checking myself to stay off the naughty list, and when we are naughty we promptly get jolly
After making our naughty list in Step 8 we have a pretty good idea what mischief we made to get on that list. We took a look at how we had wronged people over the year and how it has effected our holiday so far, and in Step 9 we began looking for ways to make this Christmas better by doing more for those we have harmed.
But we still have to make sure we don’t stay in our naughty ways. Step 6 and Step 7 we looked at how our moments of Grinch-ness and Ba Humbug have to be recognized. Now we continue to keep tabs on that naughty list. If you are anything like me, checking it twice and calling it a day just won’t cut it.
So throughout the holiday we need to watch out for those moments when the Grinch in us gets through. It just happens. Nobody is perfect.
What is important is that when we are enjoying the season that we are willing to accept our mistakes and make a conscious effort to interrupt that pattern with a healthy helping of jolly.
Being jolly ain’t always easy…
Of course it isn’t always easy to be jolly. Christmas is full of frustrating moments, even with the people we love. In fact, in some moments it is much easier to revert back to our old ways. Getting overwhelmed or feeling like you aren’t meeting your own expectations is not a sign that you are failing. It just means you have to keep at it.
Even Santa isn’t jolly all the time. Come on, the guy takes most of the year off after one of the most stressful night-shifts imaginable. But those toys don’t all get made in a day.
Christmas can take work, just like recovery. Being happy isn’t just something that happens to you by accident whenever its convenient. Being jolly during the holidays can be like that. So when you slip up and get a little Grinch thing going on, check yourself and promptly turn your attitude toward that which you have already received; a new chance at a better year with your family and friends.
Don’t let yourself stay Scroogey. Check it and get back in the spirit.
Spending Christmas facing the impacts of addiction on others can be extremely difficult, but take this opportunity to be more aware of what truly matters and what that means for your recovery. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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With only a few days let, we finally touch on Step 9 of the 12 Steps of Christmas series! This step takes more action, but for such an important time of year it helps us re-establish some very important connections.
By the way, tell your true love they are getting the hang of the gift giving thing. They threw a party and there are at least 9 ladies on the dance floor! Throw on jingle bell rock and get your collective grooves on.
Step 9: Made amends when it wouldn’t ruin someone else’s Christmas
After making our naughty list in Step 8 we realized that we had done plenty throughout the year to cause some grief to some people we cherish, and for the holiday we have a chance to be a better version of ourselves while spending time together.
While this might not be the appropriate venue to try and make all the wrongs we have done throughout our drug or alcohol use, it is a good opportunity to give as much of yourself as you can. As long as we are not in danger of ruining anyone’s Christmas, we can try to offer our amends to family or friends for the wrongs of Christmas past. Although sometimes it is best we not turn the celebration into a trip down bad-memory-lane. We should not make Christmas about us, but we can also try to do right in the holiday spirit.
Maybe your friend still isn’t over that time you caught his tree on fire last year. Don’t tell him to go deck his halls. Seriously, it’s just rude. Sometimes it isn’t as simple as going to someone and trying to make it right, because some people just aren’t ready for that yet.
Again, we don’t want to make the family gathering about everyone forgiving us or not. It might stir up unwanted hostility. Christmas is about sharing love and joy for everyone, so maybe make some indirect amends for your own naughty-by-nature Christmas past in the form of colorfully wrapped goodies.
The gifts we can give…
Material things aren’t really what the recovery community typically focuses on when it comes to making an amends. While financial amends or amends pertaining to property may sometimes be in someone’s experience, Christmas isn’t always the venue for that.
Still, who doesn’t enjoy a good gift? For those of us in recovery who have the opportunity and the resources, we can make an honest effort to do something nice for those we owe an amends. Everyone loves a good Christmas present, so some of us actually go out of our way to be a slightly less qualified Santa. But material things aren’t really what makes the difference. We have so much to give of ourselves.
We cannot say it enough, Christmas is about love and compassion; joy and humility; gratitude and hope. So give as much of that as you can to those you have harmed on your naughty list. Even if you go over the top with presents, the best gift is always the gift of your love and compassion.
So go through your naughty list and look for the opportunity to give to those you have wronged. When appropriate, you may even take this opportunity to make amends for your naughty ways. Just try your best to show that true gratitude and generosity in your actions and in your presence.
Spending Christmas facing the impacts of addiction on others can be extremely difficult, but take this opportunity to be more aware of what truly matters and what that means for your recovery. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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We are getting closer and closer folks! Christmas is almost upon us, and so we felt it is a good time to check up on our naughty list with Step 8 of the 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery!
Now I know we said in the last step that all the birds our true love was giving us seemed a bit much, but woah… who needs 8 maids milking? How much milk can one person drink? Why doesn’t your true love just get you a gift card for groceries? And do you own the cows, or the maids… it’s all very confusing!
Never mind, this is getting weird.
Step 8: Made my naughty list and checked myself twice, became willing to make amends and be nice
In Step 5 we created our very own Christmas wish list where we took a step back from the heavy stuff to try and lighten up. But that doesn’t mean we get away with everything that got us on the naughty list.
We talked about watching ourselves through the holiday to make sure we weren’t being a Grinch or Scrooge-ish, while also trying to catch ourselves in those moments of shortcomings in an effort to let go and improve our holiday. Yet, we have still had a whole year to make it on the naughty list, so we should also take a moment to look at that too.
In Step 7 we talked about humility being more about how we treat others instead of how we treat ourselves. Now, we should examine our actions and attitudes throughout our year to recognize where we can do better moving forward. Especially when it comes to how we have impacted other people in the process.
If we are supposed to be bringing peace on earth and goodwill toward others, how have we harmed them through the year? Who do we owe an amends to this Christmas? How can we give that gift to them?
The nicer side of the naughty list…
Now for most people who are familiar with Step 8 as it is used in the recovery fellowships across the world, at first we might find it difficult to see the nicer side of the list. When making a list of our harms, we do not typically take delight in the wrongs we have done to others. However, there is still a great deal of good to come out of looking through a naughty list.
The nicer side of our naughty list comes in recognizing how our own misbehavior has and impact on our current Christmas spirit. We see how many of our troubles are of our own making. We wouldn’t get coal in our stockings if we hadn’t earned it. Some of the adversities we face with our families, friends, spouses or others when it comes time to come together for the holidays is due to the items on our naughty list. Not only are we made aware of our naughty list, we see how in recovery we will be given the chance to make it right for all our Christmases to come.
We have a better chance of making next year’s nice list if we can confront now where we have been a little on the naughty side. Step 8 isn’t just about making a list of our naughtiness; it’s also about becoming willing to make amends for it.
Learning to be nice…
Lets be real, everyone has a few naughty days a year. People in recovery are not the only ones who run the risk of making the cut. Face it, Santa is a little bit judgmental with some pretty unreasonable expectations. I mean, the guy sees you when you’re sleeping, come on!
But I digress… We all have to check our motives and our actions and think on how we plan to be better. People recovering from drug abuse or alcohol addiction tend to have done quite a bit of damage; some at home and some with our professional lives or our education.
With Step 8, we have to reconcile our discrepancies and learn how to adopt a policy of being nice, especially to those who in the past we have been particularly naughty to.
We learn that while not everyone is as willing as we are to be nice, it is up to us to safe-guard our own sense of Christmas cheer. Our responsibility here is to accept our part and try to find the strength and commitment to be nice, especially when it is hard. Just avoid the morbid self-reflection and remember that you aren’t checking this list twice to beat yourself up; you’re doing it so you don’t have to be on the list next year.
First nice thing you might want to do is give those 8 milk maids the holiday off. I think Christmas will be fine without the extra dairy products.
#12StepsofChristmas
Not everything about Christmas in recovery is going to be as nice as we want. The winter wonderland isn’t always so cheery. Sometimes Christmas is like a snowball to the face. Sometimes we just have to try our best not to be too cold to those who matter most. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by staff | Dec 23, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun
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Thank you for joining us for another edition of the 12 Steps of Christmas, where we put a recovery spin on a Christmas classic. Now, we are talking Step 7.
It is fitting that the traditional song tells us about the true love, who at this point must think we are opening a zoo, gave us 7 swans swimming. I say that, because with this step we are talking about seeking to be transformed. Kind of like the ugly duckling who became a swan. In addiction we often feel like ugly ducklings. But if we are willing to let some things go, we can be the swans we were always meant to be.
But seriously, who is going to feed all these strange birds?
Step 7: Humbly asked our Higher Power to remove our shortcomings of holiday spirit
If you read Step 3 of our take on 12 Steps of Christmas, you will remember us talking about finding a willingness to be open minded enough to consider that something outside ourselves could influence our outlook and attitude during the holidays. We spoke of contemplating the concept of a Higher Power in Step 2; be it God, the universe, nature, your higher consciousness or even just Santa Claus and the Christmas spirit. Then we discussed how to be willing to let go of our need to control the holiday.
Then, in Step 5 and Step 6 we talked about the process that allows us to recognize our own part in making the holidays harder. We talked about opening up to our friends, family, or a sponsor and sober support about our holiday stresses and our negative reactions to them.
Now, we take that self-awareness and self-reflection, and we try to turn it over the whatever forces outside ourselves during the Christmas season in hopes that those defects of character will no longer hold everyone hostage at Christmas dinner. We look at our moments when the inner Grinch starts to peek out, or when we get all Scroogey, and we be willing to let the spirit of Christmas take that away.
Cheery with a chance of humility…
In certain literature on the 12 Steps, you will find an entry about humility to the effect of,
“Humility, as a word and as an ideal, has a very bad time of it in our world. Not only is the idea misunderstood; the word itself is often intensely disliked.”
Even though we know humility as a virtual, it still gets a bad rep because the ego will instinctively take it as an attack. Of course it does, because humility is letting go of the ego. So when we say we are humbly asking this outside source of strength to remove our own shortcoming in the Christmas spirit, the ego will probably get in the way.
Do your best to remember that Christmas is not about us and what we want, even though we have discussed the value of having goals and hopes, it is about others. It is OK to enjoy unwrapping your presents and to get excited about gag gifts and gift cards. But at the end of the day, we are reminded that tis the season for giving. Because getting a gift is never as great a feeling as giving one. Some of us in early recovery might be struggling to be able to give anything, but it isn’t the kind of stuff you can put in a box with a bow that matters. The best gift you can give to others is your time and a clear, sober version of yourself to spend it with.
And in truth, that is a true sign of humility; the ability to have hopes and goals to connect and celebrate life with those closest to you, and to give to one another. One of my personal favor authors, S.C. Lewis said,
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking of yourself less.”
In other words, you don’t have to tear down the ego in order to leave it alone.
So this Christmas seek the strength to let go of your shortcomings, in a more direct effort to remove anything that might keep you from truly being present for your holiday with those you care about. You have recognized your ability to be a Grinch and to be a Scrooge, now look for that Higher Power you have connected to for a chance to have a Merry Christmas. Anything that is holding you back from being merry, see if Santa can’t grab it on his way out the chimney.
#12StepsofChristmas
This season can be an especially stressful time for some people trying to recover from drugs or alcohol. Whether it is the weather, a family feud, or just a few too many ghosts of Christmas past, it should still be a time of celebration. If you or someone you love is struggling ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
by Justin Mckibben | Dec 21, 2017 | Alcoholics Anonymous, Christmas, Coping Skills, Family, Holiday, Recovery, Sober Fun, Sobriety
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Welcome one and all to Step 6 of our 12 Steps of Christmas in Recovery. Today we are talking about how that little bit of Grinch might slip out, and how to check ourselves before we Scrooge ourselves.
And no geese-a-laying… lazy geese!
Step 6: Become entirely ready to let go of the Ba Humbug.
In Step 5 we talked more about accountability and recognizing our Grinch-like moments. We encouraged you to speak up and have a support system to call on when things get tough, and now we are talking even more about letting go of those destructive feelings on Christmas.
Of course, the classic “A Christmas Carol” tells us about another infamous grumpy guy, Ebenezer Scrooge. Essentially, he and the Grinch are the same, except Scrooge isn’t a nappy ball of green fur who does B&Es. Instead, Scrooge has the privilege of being visited by some ghosts who show him visions that scare the Christmas spirit back into him.
Scrooge is notorious for his Ba Humbug, a statement made referring to his utter ambivalence toward anything remotely related to goodwill toward others or joy and cheer.
Well, we all tend to have a touch of that Ba Humbug attitude at least once during the holiday. But, much like the Scrooge-man himself, we have to learn to let it go. Hopefully, we all won’t need the ghost of our best friend haunting us to do it. In Step 5 we recognized our character defects and our negative reactions. Here in Step 6, we are making a more conscious effort to let go of our feelings of Ba Humbug and move on. In Step 5, we said we should admit these feelings to ourselves and someone else. This helps us to face what is bothering us and share it with our support. Now we try to move on from those feelings.
Learning about letting go…
Ebenezer Scrooge may have got over his Ba Humbug overnight, but it took a lot of work. Part of that work is preparing you to let go of the attitude or mindset that is making Christmas harder for you. If spending time with your family is proving more difficult than you planned, it’s OK.
Like we went over in the first few steps; we accept that we can’t change them, be open and willing to enjoy the holiday anyway. We make a list of things we would like to get out of the sober Christmas experience. Talk with someone about the negativity you may bring to the equation, and now we put ourselves in the head-space to let go of any bad attitude we are holding on to.
In a lot of 12 Step recovery literature, Step 6 is often talked about as being ready for your Higher Power to remove your defects of character. In essence, you are further recognizing your behavior and preparing to drop the old patterns and attitudes that caused so much chaos. You are asking for that which holds you back to be removed, whether by a god of your understanding or simply your own higher consciousness.
Let us suggest doing the same here for that case of the Humbugs you are carrying around. By whatever means seem adequate to you, seek to let go of the feelings or thoughts that are spoiling your Christmas spirit and keeping you from embracing the joy and connection of your friends and loved ones.
Change of heart…
Part of the reason Scrooge had such a change of heart is that he was shown in great detail how his past and present life were impacted by his Ba Humbug BS. Then, he was shown how staying on this path was going to be the end of him. For some of us in recovery from drug or alcohol addiction, we have a similar view.
If our character defects are allowed to run rampant, we may find ourselves traveling down a destructive path that will lead us to relapse, which could absolutely be the end of us.
So, in the context of the holidays, we look at how continuing down a path of Ba Humbug with negativity and hostility, we can bring a less than cheery end to our own Christmas. Like Scrooge, we can have a dramatic impact on those around us in the present, because we already know what is has done in the past. If we have the self-awareness, we are able to see what this kind of state of mind can do to the future of our Christmas.
A change of heart, which is helped along by the previous steps like acceptance and self-awareness, is one way to make the best out of the bad situations or temptations some of us in recovery can come up against. Be ready and willing to let go of the Ba Humbug as soon as you catch it, so that you can help work toward a better time of merriment for those closest to you.
#12StepsofChristmas
You’re not a mean one, man. Don’t be a Grinch. The holidays might seem hard in recovery, but if you speak up when you need help and keep the spirit of the season in mind, you are sure to have plenty to celebrate. For those struggling this holiday season, ask for help; not just for your family but, for yourself. Give yourself and those who love you the most the best gift you can. If you or a loved one is struggling with substance abuse or addiction, please call toll-free now.
CALL NOW 1-888-922-5398
